Normally, well, any normal year, I would be in the lounge by now, helping myself to the first of many glasses of champagne. Waiting to board our flight back to Beijing after weeks of fun with family and friends…New Year’s Eve. A tradition we have shared for the past 7 years until this year.
2020 has gone by rather slowly for me…I can remember really most of it, like watching a car accident or remembering where you were when Elvis died. I was shopping on Bourbon Street in New Orleans, if you want to know. They announced it on the loudspeakers through the streets…but THIS year…has been different. I remember when I first got that weird feeling in my stomach- that something was coming. Something bad….we left Bali for home and stayed here once safely inside our house. And the world got weird. We watched it in slow motion…waking every morning, wondering what the numbers would be…what we would be asked to do, what would happen next.
Lots of things happened next. I started teaching online, which meant I had to learn a lot of new software and keep kids engaged throughout this endless stressful time in all of our lives. Many students left for their home countries, as did the teachers. I held classes on Teams, talked and taught students things by showing them that I was there for them and would be a constant in all this underlying confusion. I went to meetings online and even had social calls with people all over the world…without ever leaving my house. I wore masks and tracked my moves when I went for groceries….we stopped going to anything- restaurants, anyone’s house, outside …I learned that I really didn’t need a haircut that often. And I learned that I COULD do one more thing….and I did. A lot. I became stronger. And time went on….I started exercising with my trainer every day. He got stuck in the U.S. when the borders closed and we decided to carry on. And we did for months to create normalcy and fend off this weird feeling of limbo. It saved me. Summer came and went, as did Halloween, Thanksgiving…Christmas….mixed with COVID tests, mandatory mask-wearing, and The Beijing Health Kit, which is an app on your phone that shows people that you are healthy and haven’t been near anyone with the virus.
Was I scared? Yes. Was I sad? Yes. Did I have sad things happen? Well, yes…but those were personal things….I had to say good-bye to my in-laws’ house virtually. They moved into assisted living and 37 years of me going there SO many times…was over. I’ll never go home. All of their belongings were sold at an estate sale. I have not seen my parents in a year and I wonder when and if I will see them anytime soon. But we are all here and my family is together- including our pugs….nothing compared to the losses of so many…
I have found that people look out for each other. I have had so many compassionate hugs. So many, “You take care and be safe.” People check on each other…and I appreciate it. While this year has been so emotionally draining, there have also been acts of kindness- the way that people help each other along….”can I do anything for you?” and “would a Snickers help?”. More times than not, they do help.
I have found that I can rise up. And be kind. And be there. Even when I am almost empty. I am looking forward to 2021. My husband said, “When you wake up tomorrow, it will not be gone”. I know. But today, I will put on my New Year’s tiara, pour a glass of champagne and look bravely into 2021, and say, “Come on. I’m rested. And I’m ready.”